then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
