they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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