She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
