You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
