I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
