just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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