my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
