paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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