John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
