Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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