what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
