Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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