i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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