I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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