you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
