"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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