Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
