Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
