You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
