ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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