he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
