Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
