I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
