One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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