it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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