and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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