The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
