I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ketchup is God's man juice
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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