I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
