I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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