he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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