When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
