this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
