The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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