1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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