I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
