I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He better not be in your backpack
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
