so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
