I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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