I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
