3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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