she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
