How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
