he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
