I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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