Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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