we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
