i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
