I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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