I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
