So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
