we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
