Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
