Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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