She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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