but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
