if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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