is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
