You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
