i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
