This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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