Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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