what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
