I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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