I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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