I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
