JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
