girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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