I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
