i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
